Married to an Angry Man


Here are a few techniques to deal with an angry Husband

First of all, don’t fuel into the fire. When he is angry, leave him alone. Know that the anger is temporary and will calm down soon. Don’t put more fire into his fire as words were spoken to each other in anger usually leave scars forever.
You should wait until he is calmed down and thinks rationally. That time, you can address his anger to him. Usually, it takes 20 minutes for the adrenaline’s effect to die down.
Set some boundaries. Tell him what you are not willing to tolerate and speak to him in a good manner.
Only pick the battles you know you can win. Don’t waste time and energy on those you can’t. Of course, it is not about winning or losing. Rather, it is about finding the issues and see what are worth tackling vs. those just need to blow over.
Do not tolerate disrespect. A man will only mistreat a lady when no one challenges his behavior. If he knows he can get away with being nasty to you, then he will say hurtful things to you and hit you to boost his own ego over and over again. It’s on you to put a stop on it. You can do this by telling him that you don’t tolerate such disrespect from her husband who is supposed to love and respect her.
Say sorry when needed. Nothing melts an angry heart faster like a sincere apology. Make sure it’s sincere, though.
Have a healthy diet at home. I know ”we are what we eat” is a cliché, but it really does matter on one’s mental health. Try avoiding junk food in the home.
If nothing works, then tell him that you can’t live with him if he continues his poor behavior, and suggest some professional help such as counseling etc.
Allah (swt) instructs men to be nice to their wives and to treat them well to the best of their ability.
“…And live with them in kindness…” (Quran 4:19)
Thus, your husband should open up and be willing to listen to you when you talk to him. The Messenger of Allah (saw) said:
“The believers who show the most perfect Faith are those who have the best behavior, and the best of you are those who are the best to their wives”.  (At-Tirmidhi)
Your husband’s behavior must hurt you a lot and make you sad. I would advise you to be patient and pray to Allah (swt) to help him to control his anger. Help him to pray and get closer to Allah (swt). Under no circumstance is a husband allowed to use hurtful words or cause his wife any injury, even when he is angry or somehow feels justified. His harsh words show that he is weak and coward. He has no right to disrespect you.
I am deeply saddened to hear about your situation. Be patient, sister, as Allah (swt) is with those who are patient. He (swt) grants them support and clear victory.
“O you who have believed, seek help through patience and prayer. Indeed, Allah is with the patient.” (Qur’an 2:153)
May Allah (swt) ease your tension and give you patience, in sha’ Allah.


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