Difference Between Halal and Haram Relationships

1. Halal and haram relationships What is rightand what is wrong? Presented By Sheikh musleh khan 

2. In a society driven by lust, temptation, and amorality, the line between what is halal and what is haram has become increasingly distorted. So how do we determine which relationships in our lives are halal or haram? And where do we draw the line?

3. Halal relationships A halal relationship is one in which it is lawful for you to be in that person’s company alone and have physical contact with them because either: They are your spouse and you are in a lawful marriage contract with them. They are forbidden to you for marriage. Islam has outlined exactly who our mahrams are and who have been made halal for us. Allah says in the Qur’an:

4. Halal relationships “Forbidden to you (for marriage) are: your mothers, your daughters, your sisters, your father’s sisters, your mother’s sisters, your brother’s daughters, your sister’s daughters, your foster mother who gave you suck, your foster sisters, your wives’ mothers, your step-daughters under your guardianship, born of your wives into whom you have gone – but there is no sin on you if you have not gone into them (to marry their daughters) - the wives of your sons (who spring) from your own loins, and two sisters in wedlock at the same time, except for what has already passed. Verily, Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” [An-Nisa 4:23]

5. The family Rules of halal/haram relationships tend not to apply with family relations Issues: Mixing freely with non-mahram family members e.g. cousins, uncle’s wife, aunt’s husband etc Removing hijab and modest clothing in the home Physical contact such as hugging That ‘uncle’ who puts his hand on your head as a mark of love and respect  The brother-in-law. Culturally they play an important part in life with the in laws and are often seen as important as biological brothers by the family.

6. The family The Prophet said: “It is better for a Believer to be struck in the head with a hot iron rod than to touch a woman who is not lawful for him.” [Tabarani & Baihaqqi] This proves that physical contact of any type with any person who is not your mahram/forbidden to you for marriage is forbidden, even if they are your relatives, and even if you have the right intentions. “When a man and woman are alone together, Shaytan is the third” [Tirmidhi]

7. The brother-in-law Guarding against the brother-in-law has been specifically mentioned, as the Prophet said: “The brother-in-law is like death for a woman.” [Sahih Bukhari] Hadith – clear proof that your husband's brother or sister’s husband is a non-mahram and that the rules of segregation still apply Such a specific hadith for the brother-in-law tells us this relationship is more dangerous than with any other non-mahram and is a clear warning.

8. The brother-in-law Why? Because the brother-in-law, contrary to the stranger, can easily approach the sister-in-law and violate her privacy, without people blaming him for doing so. Culturally families find no problem with the husband’s brother being in private with the husband’s wife which is why this relationship is so dangerous and haram. ‘Death’ refers not only to physical temptation, but to the mischief that could be caused due to gossiping and manipulation of the sister-in-law or of the husband.

9. The workplace Non-Muslim workplaces – complications such as shaking hands/work socials. Is it okay to shake hands with your colleagues in a professional capacity only? Some modern day scholars say it is okay Whether it is for professional or personal reasons, the Islamic rulings are the same – touching of any kind is not allowed. Your intention is irrelevant. The best of mankind, the Prophet SAW did not touch women nor saw the need to. This is despite the fact that the oath of allegiance was originally given by hand.

10. The workplace Aysha (RA) said concerning when the Prophet would take the allegiance from women: “And no, I swear by Allah the hand of the Messenger never ever touched a woman when they would give him allegiance, except that he would say: ‘I have taken your allegiance upon that.’” [Collected by Al-Bukhari] Abdullaah bin Amr narrated: “The Messenger of Allah never used to shake hands with women in taking allegiance.” [Collected by Ahmad] Despite the fact that the Prophet SAW was the most honourable of mankind and would have had the purest of intentions, he still never shook hands.

11. The workplace What about work socials/conferences where alcohol would be consumed/free mixing? Need to weigh up how important the event is for work and how much of it is work versus social event. Better to avoid such events as they usually a source of fitna – other things like free mixing and alcohol. If it is necessary to attend for sake of work then fear Allah when you attend – however it is not permissible to sit at the same table where alcohol is being served or engage in unnecessary free mixing.

12. The boyfriend/girlfriend What does having a boyfriend mean? Is this relationship recognised in Islam? How many times have you heard (or said): “we’re only meeting up” or “we only talk on the phone/video chat”? Dangerous as it starts off slowly – eye contact, phone calls As time goes on the guilt wears off – become comfortable enough to justify your actions Shaytan encourages you to keep moving to the next step Ask yourself this: at which point do you draw the line? Where do you stop? Boundaries become so blurred that what is haram and halal is not clear anymore. In keeping with this a famous Arabic couplet states, "A look, then a smile, a nod of the head, then talk, a handshake, a promise, then the warmth of a bed.”

13. The boyfriend/girlfriend Islam – prevention is better than cure as it removes any doubt or grey areas from the situation and closes the door to fitna and temptation from the outset. The Prophet said: “Any share of fornication of the son of Adam is written and no doubt he will reach it: The fornication of the eyes is looking at that which is forbidden. The fornication of the ears is listening to that which is forbidden. The fornication of the tongue is saying that which is forbidden. The fornication of the hand is grasping that which is forbidden. The fornication of the feet is walking to that which is forbidden. The fornication of the heart yearns and desires and the genitals either confirm it or contradict it.” [Muslim, Qadar:21]

14. The boyfriend/girlfriend Hadith tells us it’s not okay to “just hold hands” or “just talk on the phone for hours” to a non-mahram. Still counts as a form of zina (fornication) so must be avoided at all costs. Therefore to have a boyfriend or girlfriend in Islam is a very western concept and is haram. This is a very real disease of modern society brought on by lack of belief in God and therefore the religious institution of marriage. Main purpose of nikah – to allow a halal relationship, so there is no need to continually commit zina with a boy/girlfriend when Islam gives you the simple and halal option of a nikah.

15. The friend Has become increasingly common to have friends of the opposite gender – the term ‘friend’ meaning different things. Most friends are made at school, college, university or work. Since we’ve already established that unnecessary free mixing with the opposite gender is a means to fitna and is therefore haram, what do you think about friends? Easy area to fall short – boundaries break down gradually and Shaytan helps you justify the nature of your relationship

16. The friend There is no such thing as a platonic relationship with the opposite gender – temptation/bad thoughts are never far away If you have to do group work e.g. presentations with members of the opposite gender – keep it to the work in hand. Being respectful and friendly is not the same as being friends. Prophet said: “A person is on the religion of his companions. Therefore let every one of you carefully consider the company he keeps.” [Tirmidhi]

17. The fiance/fiancee The western concept of engagement is very different to the Islamic concept. Engagement in Islam simply means when the man asks the woman to marry him. Allah SWT says: “And there is no sin on you if you make a hint of betrothal…” [al-Baqarah 2:235] Furthermore it is narrated that the Prophet was engaged to Aishah RA (Al-Bukhaari, al-Nikaah, 4793). There is no harm in being engaged as long as you do not introduce haram practices e.g. exchanging of rings.

18. The fiance/fiancee Culturally, a lot of families think it is okay for a man and woman to go out alone and be together once engaged, however this mentality is as damaging as having a girlfriend/boyfriend. This relationship is hard to control as the opportunity for sin is greater. Mindset of “we’re getting married anyway so it’s okay” to justify inappropriate behaviour. However the only point at which it is ever okay is when you are married. Before that you are still strangers so the rules of non-mahrams still apply.

19. The non-biologicalfamily Refers to step father, step daughter, adopted children, adoptive parents etc. Step mother – once she is married to your father your step mother becomes permanently forbidden to you for marriage and you become her mahram. Step daughter – You become a mahram for your step daughter after the marriage contract and consummation of the marriage to your wife has taken place.

20. The non-biologicalfamily Adoption A complicated matter – child needs to be breastfed by the adoptive mother for relationship to become lawful. If child hasn’t been suckled – as if they were non- mahrams to you/you are non mahram to them. Adoptive mother needs to suckle the child at least 5 times. They should be suckled in their first 2 years. The Prophet said: “Suckling forbids (from marriage) that which is forbidden due to birth.” [Al Bukhari 9/140] Once this has been established the adopted son becomes the mahram for any other relation that a biological son would have:  The same rules apply if you adopt a girl.

21. The social network Given everything you have just learnt in this webinar, what do you think about communication with the opposite gender online? Bear in mind: - You are alone and your conversation is private - Inhibitions run low and temptations run high - Shaytan helps you to lie to yourself - Zina is not just based on physical sin

22. conclusion  Islam is a practical religion – leaves no room for grey areas or uncertainty In Islam good and bad deeds are based on both intention AND action, so it is not enough to say ‘I never intended anything bad by this’ when committing the wrong action.
Example: grave worshippers have good intentions about their actions but their actions are totally haram and cannot be justified or made right merely by their intentions. So fear Allah regarding this matter – it is slippery slope that has led even the most pious men astray (various hadiths documenting this)

23. conclusion Beware of your thoughts, for they will become your words. Beware of your words, for they will become your actions. Beware of your actions, for they will become your habits. Beware of your habits, for they will become your character. Beware of your character, for it will become your destiny.

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